Friday, April 28, 2006
Homer: Okay guys, I've got a secret play I've been saving for the Olympics, or possibly the final four. And it goes something like this: [mumbles] Skinner, I want you to block out Carl. Moe, you can take Professor Frink, Homer you take Groundskeeper Willie... No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie... Yes you are, are you a team player or not?
In Hungry, Hungry Homer, how does Howard K. Duff III, the president of Duff Industries, illustrate that Homer is a liar?
A. He hires a phrenologist to read his head
B. He reveals results from a poll signed by people who don't trust Homer
C. He shows video of Homer with his pants on fire
D. He looks into his crystal ball
Funny episode quotes:
Homer: Those bullies are gone now!
Snake: You idiot! They were beating out my shirt fire!
Homer: My heart was in the right place, jerk.
Albuquerque Mayor: Looks like we'll have to steal some other Baseball team. See what Dallas wants for the cowboys.
Assistant: Uh, that's a football team, sir.
Albuquerque Mayor: They'll play what I tell them to play.
Not much else to say except: Kick ass.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Dis is the time of year when peeps go nuts at my office. I guess the same thang happens at many places o biznazz that's similar to the super_ap's.
But I tell ya, year end comes 'round wit a quickness like you ain't never seen. And during this time, the whole office be comin up to me like K-Dawg from Accountin did this morning:
K-Dawg: Hey there super_ap, you think you could make sure this invoice gets paid before we close fiscal year 05/06? You see I just requisitioned a budget adjustment form to incl ----
super-ap: Hold it there biatch. Leave your weak excuses at the door, you sound like a wounded duck. Just place it in my inbox- I'll make sure it hits the G/L before closing. BUT - you betta make sure that your debits and credits equal eachother on your journal voucher - or I'll bust out my Canon P126-D adding machine; and you know it won't be to correct your lame mistakes - it'll be to crack yo skull open old skool.
After that display, folks round here recognized the way they had been acting, all foolish and such, trying to rush and get their papers in order, and over to me and the A/P crew.
How silly they had all been. For you see, a wise man knows, that it doesn't matter what time the payables get to us, even if its 4:25, the A/P crew has got yo back, Jack. And that ain't whack.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
In Bye Bye Nerdie, according to Nelson Muntz, what activity predates agriculture?
Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away.
Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies!
Homer: She will be!
Homer: Back in Grade School I had a bully problem myself!
-flashback sequence-Homer: :singing, while punching nerd: Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting! Those kicks were fast as lightning!-end flashback-
Homer: Good times!
My dad tells me he would have done better, except the Kenyans kicked him hard in the nuts just as they were warming up.
Hardly fair, but what can you say?
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
In New Kids on the Blecch, Bart says his dream is to become a rock star, and Homer says his dream is what?
A. To get rid of Bart
B. To eat a submarine sandwich on a submarine
C. To hang off Washington's nose at Mt. Rushmore
D. To be the center square on "Hollywood Squares"
N'Sync: Dudes, we've gotta go. Our clothes are getting a little out of date! / To the bandana republic! / Word!-N'Sync exit music-
Bart: Now we gotta send them a basket!
We watched this on Sunday morning. Ferda had seen the MTV cartoon before. I had never even heard of it. It was a pretty good movie. Great stunts, that I beleive Theron did herself. It was a good cross between sci-fi and love story. Set in the future, the story line is confusing until more details are revealed near the end, but it's worth the wait for the payoff.
I would give it four razor sharp grass blades out of five.
Monday, April 24, 2006
So most of you know, we're still in our first year of marriage, but today I'm going to share with you something I just learned - How to tell when you're officially married:
So Friday afternoon, Ferda sends me a message: What's your fax number?
I tell her.
She then writes: I just sent you the fax, it's so we can join our Esso Extra Points.
So after signing the form and faxing it back to Esso, I ask her: So now all my points go to your account?
Her reply: Yep.
Good bye free car washes. Hello free pedicures.
In Trilogy of Error, Homer says he likes his breakfast fried or what?
Lisa: I'll get us out of this. Say dad, wanna go see my project for the school science fair?
Homer: No Lisa... but I sure don't want to eat this crappy breakfast!
Lisa: If you misuse language, he'll correct you!
Homer: Well, lets put him to the test! Me love beer!
Linguo: I love beer!
Homer: Hey! He loves beer! Here little fellah!
Homer: I'm sorry, I thought he was a party robot.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A. Biting into a sweet zucchini
B. Making love with his teeth
C. Unlocking Mother Nature's chastity belt
D. A hoottenanny in his mouth
Nelson: I'm considerable hungry, we got any food left?
Bart: Hmm, looks like we're out of corn pone, fat back, hard tack, fat pone, corn tack...
Nelson: Any tack back?
Bart: Tack back!?
Nelson: I mean.. back tack..
Bart: All out.
Homer: When I'm crushing and killing you, you hate me, but suddenly when I can save your life, I'm Mr. Popular.
Lenny: Yep, that's pretty much it.
Homer: Woohoo! I'm Mr. Popular! Hehehehehehe!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Here's some pics from last April Fool's day (2005). I tin-foiled a co-workers desk really good. He took it well. Promised me pay back. But nothing has happened yet...
FYI - if you're wanting to pull a trick like this, get more than 3 rolls, that's what I had and it clearly wasn't enough.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Pinar: I have a wedgie. My butt is hungry! [laughs]
James: So? Pick it.
Pinar: But they'll see me! [referring to JamesMo and Scott walking just behind us. They weren't involved in this conversation since they were talking about something cooler like Dungeons & Dragons or something similar...]
James: So what. I pick mine all the time in public. See, watch... [I proceed to pick my under-roos from my crack]
Pinar: OK. I'll do it. Here goes...
Pinar then proceeds to fish hers out. Meanwhile, some ugly old guy walking towards us on the other side of the street watches closely...
Pinar: Eww... that guy was watching the whole time.
James: Ya, that was hilarious.
[note: title provided by JamesMo.]
The Easter Weekend was pretty calm. Watched the first 3 discs of 24: Season 4 - played a lot of Mario Baseball. Helped Alex with the drywall in the bathroom and moved his stuff from the top floor to the main floor of the building. The best part of the move was sending the 3-seater couch out the window of the second floor to the small patio below, the catch: we didn't have any rope so we used an electrical cord. Alex and I also worked out a 'solution' to my garage door issue. We used a 4 ft piece of angled steel to force the panel back to its flat shape. It doesn't bow and flex anymore. I tried to buy a replacement panel from HomeDepot - they don't sell the panels separately. And the supplier of the door wants $160 for one panel since they call it a 'special order' - two words: RIP OFF.
Ate pretty well over the weekend. Ferda made chili Saturday night, and a fantastic chicken skillet thing with rice and a great salad on Sunday. Alex ate with us on Sunday in between the work. After dinner we went back to his place to move more furniture. I can't remember what we had Friday.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
In Brawl in the Family, Millhouse wonders why he doesn't get a social worker, since he has what?
B. Two crazy dads
C. Revenge fantasies
D. Social problems
Memorable quote from this episode:
Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.
Robot: No way. This is my collar. :wiggum turns robot off:
Wiggum: Heh. Too bad real women don't come with these, huh?
Homer: Hehehe, you got that right.
Wiggum: Quiet you. That counts as your phone call.
Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me!?
Marge: Why don't you come inside and we'll talk?
Homer: About what? Sports? Bigamy?
Homer: Not a sports fan, huh?
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
So I was cleaning up my favourites list on my exploder and I came across a file entitled Wedding and all that was in there was this. Go check it out. Leave a note but be nice! Also feel free to admire my long hair like I just did. What was I thinking cutting my hair!!!
Ferda says: http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season12/clod8.mp3
James says: AWESOME! Put that into a post. In fact, make that a permanent link on the side.
Ferda says: you do it
James says: ok. later
Ferda says: is that your favourite quote?
James says: for this week. it changes. frequently.
[to clarify: we've been saying this one to eachother for the last two weeks. Even if it doesn't relate. I don't want to take out the trash, you take out the trash. Oh, I'm not taking out the trash. Homer, are you a team player?]
From She of Little Faith, fill in the blank on Bart's chalkboard:
B. Called Sugar-Frosted Cocoa Bombs
C. With heroin marshmallows
D. Named after me
I find these are quite difficult but they do give me a chance to use the Bart Chalkboard Generator!
Memorable quote from this episode:
Richard Gere: We all have dreams. Mine is of a free Tibet.
Lisa: That would be so great.
Lenny: I dream about meatball sandwiches. All you can eat for two bucks!
Richard Gere: Good luck.
One more for good measure:
Lenny: Who likes short shorts?
Carl: I like short shorts.
The Boneless Pig Farmers Association of America
I particularly like the pic showing the difference between the Standard American Swine and the Boneless American Swine (latin name is Sus Domesticus Nobonius).
So the BPFAA are (of course) big supporters of the McRib sandwich (and vicey-versa), and the BPFAA links to the Save the McRib Sandwich Tour and Petition.
The point: wasn't this an episode of the Simpsons? I'm pretty sure it was... in fact, I think the same episode featured Lisa in the Spelling B Olympics.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
This cat had the same laser eye surgery that Ferda had. Now, in the 6th month of recovery, he can shoot laser beams from his eyes. The photo clearly shows him burning two adjacent holes on the hardwood floor in front of him.
I can't wait for Ferda to get to this stage. Then, when we are walking through an apple orchard picking apples, and I see the world's most perfect apple way up high on a branch I can't reach, I can say: Ferda - get me that apple please. Then she could just shoot a laser beam at the branch holding the apple and it would fall so I could catch it. Oh.. what a beautiful day that would be...
Friday, April 07, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
In The Lastest Gun in the West, according to Lisa, Ralph Wiggum thinks a pinecone is what?
A. His baby brother
B. The Pillsbury Doughboy
C. Mr. Christmas Tree
D. Coney from Coney Island
Memorable quote from this episode:
Wiggum: Uh, please, everyone, stay away. We don't want anyone to be a hero.. a hero... A HERO!
Homer: :picks up phone: Get me Buck McCoy!
Lisa: Dad, I'm on the line.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
A. Gifts with people inside
B. Beaten in college football
C. Naked with other people's wives
Memorable quote from this episode:
Homer: Homer's Odyssey. Is this about that mini-van I rented once?
Lisa: No, Dad, it's an epic tale from ancient Greece.
Homer: That mini-van had the biggest cup holders. And change slots for every coin. From penny to quarter.
Bart: Dad, I loved it too. But it was seven years ago!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
A. The restaurant has to give them a booth
B. They can play couple's canasta
C. Extra eyes on the lookout for naughty hands
D. No awkward pauses in the conversation
Memorable quote from this episode:
Abe: I'm dead.
Homer: Dad, get up.
Abe: No! I'm dead!
Marge: Grampa, come on.
Abe: Dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!
Marge: Alright Grampa, I'll help you get your licence back.
Abe: Woohoo! And I want driving gloves.
Homer: No way!
Abe: Dead, dead, dead, dead!
So Ottawa won the game 6-4, it was a great game. Lots of penalties, goals, full of ups and downs on the emotional roller-coaster. Partway through the game, they show this 'Fast Fact' up on the jumbo-tron; something about this one player for the Thrashers used to play for Vancouver. So my lovely wife and I are talking about how I used to watch, and go to, Vancouver games when I was growing up there.
Ferda: So what's Vancouver called again? The Polygrahps?
I basically remained silent except for a little moan that snuck out, and lowered my head in shame.
After the game we raced home from Kanata to catch the remainder of the 2 hour Project Runway finale. We got back in time to see about an hour-fifteen. I think Santino got truly ripped off. His designs were far better than Chloe and Daniel. And he got garbage reasons why he wasn't chosen as the winner: something about how he went 'safe' compared to how he designed during the beginning part of the show. Two words: B and S. Perhaps Chloe knows the 'business' of fashion, but that doesn't make her designs likable in the least. Bad call Heidi Klum. And frankly, there's only one thing left to say to you Heidi:
Au vide zin.
But, the best quote of the show came from Santino when he was talking about the 13th design he had to make with less than 24 hours remaining before the show:
I don't care what the 13th design looks like at this point. I wouldn't give a f*ck if the model went down the runway covered in post-its and a maxi-pad.
Monday, April 03, 2006
What's the one look like?
It was funny, but I guess you would have to have been there... they left around 11.
Saturday, we went out to visit my dad in Hawkesbury. He took us to dinner at the Auberge Val Carrol again. Great dinner. Something like 6 courses. Ate so much. The sucky part about going to dad's is the long drive home afterwards. But for some reason, this night it only took us about 1 hour to get back home. That was great.
Sunday we totally relaxed. Went for a bike ride, cooked some blueberry muffins, and watched a few episodes of Futurama, played a few games of Mario Baseball, and took a nap in the afternoon. It was beautiful. I love weekends.
This morning totally sucked. We could not get out of bed to save our lives. Damn you daylight savings time. Spring forward my ass.
Preview for this week: Should be a relatively easy week. Got the final, last two night courses, need to finish the last Stats assignment for Thursday. Also on Thursday, I have a French oral exam, shouldn't be too hard, only about 10 - 15 minutes long.
And finally, something I have to be thankful for: Ever since Ferda got her eye surgery, I've been really lucky. You see, now that she can see clearly what I really look like, I'm really lucky she hasn't asked for a divorce!
But now, today, I'm freezing. And I'm wearing long pants and a long sleeved shirt. Maybe it's just my stupid office that's cold. The maintenance guys have no idea what they are doing: I swear they put the A/C on during the winter and the heat on during the summer. Morons.
But back to the weather... all I can say is this:
J.J. - you better straighten this mess out soon, or I'll come right down to the CJOH station at Clyde and Merivale and there will be plenty-o-fist-shakin'.